For All That I Am
by voicelikeabell
Summary: Hiei comes home late one night, and Kurama is NOT happy about that. In this song fic, the two question their relationship, and wonder if they really love eachother like they say they do..


Well here I am, about to write ANOTHER songfic! This one is Hiei/Kurama pairing, so if you don't like shounen ai, DON'T READ!!! All you shounen-ai- haters have been warned!!  
  
Disclaimer:: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, OR the wonderful song 'all that I am' by the A*teens!  
  
For All That I Am  
  
Sorry,  
You make me feel sorry...  
  
I didn't mean to. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. It was an accident, yet you're still so angry.. Last night I came home very late, way past midnight, but I still found you there. Waiting for me. As much as I hate to, I must leave the Ningenkai once in a while to work for Mukuro in the Makai. I am her heir, and it is my duty to be there and patrol her lands, when need be.  
  
Mukuro, one of the strongest demons I know, doesn't like the fact that I spend so much time with you in the human world. If she could have it her way, I know she would keep me in the Makai, under her watch and training. But, she respects me, and my wishes so I am aloud to go where I want. But when she DOES need me, she makes sure my visit worth it. She'll keep me there for days at time, occupied with fighting demons off her land, training with her, or just patrolling. This week she kept me for 3 days, and I haven't spoken to you since I left.  
  
When I climbed through your bed room window that morning, my clothes were ripped, and I had numerous cut all over my body. Yep, it had been one of those HARD visits with Mukuro, where I had to work my ass off and couldn't get a moments rest.  
  
The lights were off, and it was late, so I assumed you were sleeping. I was so tired..I thought I'd just clean up a bit and climb in to bed with you, and we'd talk in the morning. But as I tiptoed toward your bathroom, the light turned on, and I saw you sitting there. Your usually warm, caring emerald eyes were now hard with anger. And your lips, always known to hold a charming smile upon them, instead showed a frown. Not one of worry, or surprise, but of anger. You were angry with me. And at that moment I knew I was in for it.  
  
Last night, I came home too late  
And you were there waiting  
I know, it's easy to call  
I guess I wasn't thinking of you.  
It's not that I don't care  
You should know me better by now  
  
"Where have you been?" his voice was Calm, but stern, and accusing.  
  
"Kurama..your awake." I said slowly.  
  
"Yes, I am. And so are you. Where have you been these last few days?" his voice was deadly quiet.  
  
"Kurama, I told you; I had to go the Makai for a while to see Mu-.."  
  
"3 days!?" the red head cut him off. "Why didn't you come home? Or at least CALL me! Do you have any idea how worried I was?! Obviously you don't, and I'm guessing you don't care either!"  
  
"Kurama you know I couldn't! How the heck was I gonna call you from the Makai!?" I responded.  
  
Kurama rose from his bed, his baggy green silk pajama's swishing as he moved. "I don't know either Hiei, but if you really loved me, you would at least make an EFFORT to contact me!"  
  
"Kurama..I'm sorry" Damn it. My voice cracked as I said that.  
  
Kurama lifted his hand. "I don't wanna hear it Hiei. I'm to mad to even look at you right now..just leave." he pointed to his door, but then thought better of it and turned to his window instead.  
  
I am sorry if I made you feel lonely or sad  
I am sorry I made you feel bad.  
What I'm trying to say  
I 'm not always that way  
So love me for all that I Am  
  
"No..Kurama.." I reached out, and tried to take my hand in his, but he just pulled away. "Kurama, I'm sorry..I really am.."  
  
"Are you? You sure have a funny way of showing it!" Kurama, as surprising at it is, scoffed. "You're never around any more Hiei.and when you are, you don't enjoy it. Do you remember all those times we sat up late? Just looking at the stars? Before we both finally fell asleep, I would always whisper 'I love you' in your ear. But all I ever get out of you is a HN! What the hell is Hn anyway? It's not even a word!  
  
Hiei flinched at these words. Not only because of the harshness in his voice, but because he knew it was true. When Kurama admitted he loved him, he was so happy! The moment he met the kitsune, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his mortal life with him, and than onto the next. Yes, he loved him, more than anything in fact, but did he ever tell him that? It was true, Kurama told him he loved him often, but did he ever respond to those three sweet words?  
  
"When we started this relationship, I really thought you cared about me.you promised you would always be there for me...but your not. Why can't you stay here? Why do you have to be her heir? Is it that important that you have to leave the only person who loves you? Hiei...do you love me at all?"  
  
I know, I often forget  
To say that I love you  
And yes, I truly regret  
The times I may have heart you that way.  
Its not that I don't care,  
You should know me better by now  
  
His eyes where shining with unshed ears as he said this. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I was close to tears my self. How could he say that? Of course I loved him! I would do anything for that kitsune....he means the world to me..he IS my world....with out him, I'd be nothing...until I met him, I WAS nothing...he is the only person I ever met who cared about me..I never had a real family...and even before I knew I loved him, he treated me like family...with out him, their would still be a barrier of ice around my heart.....he is the only one who could break my shield...try hard enough, just to see the real me....he is the only one, who could ever possibly love someone like me.a forbidden child. A bastard. That's what I am.I'm not even suppose to exist..my so called 'family' shunned me for what I was...and I never knew what happiness was....until I met Kurama....So yes, yes I do love you Kurama. I love you more than anything in the world...or I did....now I'm starting to have my doubts. Why are you so mad at me? I cant change what I am or what I have to do In my life.....why cant you love me, for all that I am?  
  
I am sorry if I made you feel lonely or sad  
I am sorry I made you feel bad,  
What I'm trying to say,  
I'm not always that way  
So love me for all that I am.  
  
"Kurama.I'm sorry I can't always be around when you need me, but I can't just NOT go when Mukuro needs me! You ask me if I love you? Well now I ask you, why can't you love me for what I am?  
  
"I can't change what I am. You tell me that I am arrogant, conceited, and head strong, and I am. I know I am. What can you expect from a person who has lived a life as horrible as I have?"  
  
"Their you go again Hiei!" Kurama almost screamed. "Making accuses for how you act! Hiding behind your past! The past is the past Hiei, and I know you can't change what you are and what you have done! But you CAN repent for what you did by at least changing you attitude!"  
  
True, I may defend the things I do  
Though i know deep down I've done wrong  
But when the heat comes down it's you  
That keeps me going on  
  
"You know, forget it Hiei..you obviously will NEVER change. And I can't rely on you..so maybe, this is a sign...a sign that we shouldn't be together." Kurama's face was one that Hiei had never seen before. Tears were slowly streaming down his face, and his eyes showed that of deep sadness. Like he truly was sad about what he was saying. But also, he looked sincere. Did he really mean it? Was this....the end? Did he really want me to go?  
  
"Kurama....what are you saying?" My voice was barely audible as I asked him.  
  
He nodded, and pointed to his bed room window. "Please..just go....at least....for a little while."  
  
I felt my heart sink, and I too, nodded. Quicker than lightning, I ran to the window and jumped out into the night. Before I left, I looked back at the man I loved. He sat on his bed, wiping tears from his beautiful eyes. "I love you Kurama." I heard my self whisper. "I'll return one day..And when I do....I hope you will have learned to love me...for all that I am."  
  
For all that I am  
I'm sorry, made you feel sorry  
Trying to say that I'm not always that way  
Love me for all  
I am sorry if I made you lonely and sad  
I am sorry I made you feel bad  
What I'm trying to say  
I'm not always that way  
So love me for all that I am  
(Fore all that I am) That I am  
(For all that I am  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
^_____^ I love song fic's! I have been meaning to write this for months, so I hoped you all liked it! Send me a review, telling me what ya think! ^____~  
  
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
